Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Life this Week

Life is washing over me at this point, maybe I am in boot camp, whatever it is I can not even get upset at this point. When a steady stream of life and people come at you simply because you are using your gifts it gets to the point were I am just sitting down and the crowd flows around me. Sometimes it feels like its a taste of how Jesus felt when people just wanted to be touched by Him, healed by Him, listen to Him teach or just be near Him cause He had something special. I used to be shy and careful about who I was 'real' around and then God convicted me to be who He created me to be all the time. I am still not always the 'real' me, the worst place of course is the church. I know that comes as a shocker to you all(enter sarcasm).

I think its also a big adjustment to have Jon gone again for another week. I know there are lots of you who live with husbands who work away a lot more than what my Jon does, but I miss him, and feel the extra burden it is to have him gone. He supports me A LOT in my ministry to people, and he is one who I debrief with at the end of the day. And when he is at the mine he is too busy and too tired to do much of that for I must stretch some more. And God seems to always make sure there are a few crisis that happen while Jon is gone so I have to grow a little further. Most of what I would like to share I can't because it affects other people and most of the stories are just too personal.

But these two anecdotes I will share, I got hit on twice this week by men who I don't think will ever read this and I just must share cause they are so funny. One guy was in the medical waiting room and needed to spend a minute telling me that I had really cute toes, were my feet cold and he liked that my toe nails were not painted. This struck me as hilarious because my friends and I have a running joke about now our joke came true and I was surprised. I am a barefoot and sandals kind of girl from about May till September, or as weather allows it, and I have never had someone focus on my feet. Then last night in the grocery store I smiled at a man, which I normally do smile at everyone as I go about my business. Anyways he responded with you have such a beautiful smile you should get flowers every day!!! Hilarious!! I laughed and said of course I don't get flowers everyday and I was amused for the rest of the evening and shared the line with my 17 year old son who laughed and said "that is the cheesiest line he ever heard." I told my husband Jon that I must be wearing a t-shirt that says "My husband is away working in a mine, I am lonely." Life is funny if you let it. I can either laugh or get upset....I choose to laugh.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Well my silence is usually due to being overwhelmed with life. Or else I am trying to say things tactfully so as not to make the people I live with in my small town take everything wrong. You can light your world on fire quickly with a few sentences...and do I know it. But I still think its better for freedom of speech to rule. I am admitting my struggle with this due to much judgment of others I find it hard to write from my heart, but the passions in my soul tell me to speak. So we have the balance beam of truth and love to walk...I think some people in my culture think truth and love should feel good. But real love is painful and we all know truth cuts like a knife...especially the truth we don't want to hear. YOUCH!!

A little over two weeks ago we moved our oldest son to a city about 2 and a half hours from us to go to University. He took his first year by long distance and was able to save money and live at home. I liked this and it was a nice adjustment time for him and he got more scholarship money, so it was a good plan. Then from May to August he worked at a kids camp and lived there so he was kind of already moved out. So the trauma was not as great to my heart, but you really want your child to be happy, safe and as I have learned every change brings a clutching of my hands as I hope and pray it works out. And the interesting thing I have also learned is as they get older they have to take more risks and they most definitely do not always need or want you present. So off he goes into the world, calling when he needs something or when his heart's gotten broken, meanwhile I live my life....with an open hand, not making demands of phone calls or guilt about when are you coming home comments. Loving unconditionally, no matter what is my motto.

Then I had a cat up until a couple of weeks ago who was just a lovable little fellow and I fell in love with him, Chubby was his name. But unfortunately he was eaten by one of our wild coyotes, cause we live in the country and I have always let my animals roam freely because they want to and I usually let everything around me follow its heart. But I have come to realize that the pain from the loss of Chubby makes me want to not love my other pets now, I want to harden my heart and withdraw from my pets. But this is not okay for me or my other pets. So I will work at loving with my heart wide open, taking the risks and losses that come my way. Because I do not want to miss out on all that life and God have to offer...and I know I will have pain. That is guaranteed.