Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Adventuring with My Man

My husband and I went kayaking together on Saturday. This is a new thing for me, we just went out for a couple hours on a very tame river. I enjoyed myself. This canoeing/kayaking thing is something Jon has loved for a long time, so he was happy to have me along. Its an interesting feeling for me, we have been married for twenty years and we have a pretty good understanding of how our relationship works. But when I set down my old ways and try somethings a little different, I am noticing how many ways I am closed off from my husband. The adventure and freshness has been replaced with duties, resignation and routine... but if I mess with it just a little me and my significant other can look at things just a little different. It reminds me of how things used to be when we first were in love and makes me want a little more of that thrill. But it takes more time and energy to stay there and I must be willing to be disappointed and still keep my heart open and I noticed last night and this morning that I wanted close off, because frankly life is disappointing and we have responsibilities. Like he is off to the auction to buy more grain storage and I have dishes to do, meals to make and a hundred other things... but I think I will keep adventuring with Jon whenever I can cause life is short so it might as well be fun.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Who is All Good

This last week God and I hammered out my beliefs once again...the topic was judgement... that I had judged some people as good. I learned that I was going to go crazy if I did not give up this belief because nothing fit for me anymore. So now I believe there are no "good" people just like there are no "bad" people.(You should read Max Lacado's "You Are Special" children's book, he calls them stars and dots) Feel free to freak out... I did...but I think it is still true and right. There are just people trying to live there lives and do the best they can with whatever is important to them.
If I believe some one is "good" I have expectations of them, and they generally fail to meet them. If I get really carried away and give them a pedestal and a title, they usually end up falling off and then we get carried away in judging them... such as happens to famous people in the tabloids. If I think some one is wonderful enough to follow and copy how they live, or worse hold up as someone my children should be like... all I can say is very bad plan...we are all human.
The only thing is to hang on to God and love those around me the best I know how...which obviously will not be perfect but will be human and real. I will choose to treat everyone with respect and honor, kindness and patience even when I do not understand their behavior. For I do not know what their motives are or what is going on in them to cause them to behave the way they do.
I guess mental illness has been on my mind lately and that it is an unseen handicap that is frequently judged as bad behavior... there are many ways it is exhibited. Some things that occur make me uncomfortable and embarrassed, because of what others will think or what something "looks" like or the unwanted attention it brings.
I have several friends that fit in the above category and as I get to know them...so much of what they do and how they experience the world makes sense. They hold down jobs, are educated and operate in society with their hidden handicap... you really can not tell they have a handicap... its like there are quirks. As they share how they see the world with me my world gets so much bigger and less judgmental, so I am grateful to my friends for sharing their lives with me.
But before this gets too sunshine and roses, I also will say that it makes me angry that I was taught to think some people were better than others and that I knew what was going on. Sometimes I am very upset at the church and how I was led to think people fit in a box and if they did not then they were judged as not knowing God. Sometimes the news makes me angry because they present people as evil who do antisocial behavior without asking questions or delving into what really happened. It makes for a lot of "us" and "them" comments and ultimately me judging you... and back in the box I go... and the world is small, safe, angry, lonely, proud and bigoted. This world I do not like.

Saturday, July 23, 2011


Okay well I am finally back in...I was inspired in the past to write but due to memory loss I could not write. I could not remember my password nor my google account... so I was hooped. But today I got through! Miracles of miracles.
Some of you will not be happy about this, but too bad for you...I am back! LOL this old girl has returned.