Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Following is it Worth It???

Well this evening I am feeling overwhelmed by the pain in the world...and I am aware that I was only seeing a very small portion. I moan inside at the struggling, hurting, meanness, pain, and why oh why thoughts. I believe that God is good, it took me most of my adult life to come to believe it...and it is true. But God allows free will, so we humans can choose whatever we want and oh the pain it causes!!! But I also have come to realize that the pain allows growth and sometimes even a change of direction that can be quite wonderful if we let it. And so I will allow the pain in and carry the burden with those who are along the paths God sends me...I will obey. I say this very seriously because I know what this means...I know that it will mean risk, suffering when I don't have to, stopping to help when it is inconvenient and exhausting and loving with my heart wide open whether they deserve it or not...because you tell me which one of us deserves God's love?

This book "crazy love" written by Francis Chan asks would we follow Jesus? "Maybe He would lead you to another country, and you would never see your family again. Or perhaps you would stay put, but He would ask you to spend your time helping people who will never love you back and never show gratitude for what you gave up? Consider this carefully---have you ever done so?"

Monday, June 22, 2009

I Think I Might be a Redneck

Okay for all of you out there in blogland, I live in rural Saskatchewan...and sometimes things just happen. Two separate instances of "you might just be a redneck?" happened I shall share.

The first was when I went walking down my lane to deposit my household garbage in the burning barrel(yes some of you are getting the picture already), who should come driving down my lane but the sewer truck. Now we have a lagoon system for our sewer, so the sewer truck never comes by as we have no need for him. So he stops by me on the road, rolls down his window and I ask who are you looking for cause its not us. Well he says he doesn't know the name of the people, but he was supposed to go past two houses, down the town lagoon road and find a religious fellow with a sewer problem. Well who but a rural redneck goes driving looking for a religious fellow with a sewer problem down a gravel road. I described all the surrounding neighbors and he decided to head down the road a little farther...hope he found the religious fellow?!

Today was my birthday so I got a air-soft pistol in the mail from one of my dear friends, Tara, along with a number of other lovely things. Now this is my second or third gun this I broke the first...actually one of the my children sat on it and broke off the barrel. Anyways my dear husband Jonathan was trying to show me all the guns lovely features like the safety...well apparently the safety was not on because as I leaned over to look at the gun BAMM he shot me in the boob at close range. Well let me tell you that hurts, so my new warning is don't just watch your eyes watch out for your boobs too. The horrified look on Jon's face was so funny it was worth the injury. I walked away laughing.

So today leaves me I a redneck?! I don't know?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Spiritual Gardening

Well with the warm weather I have been spending my time outside digging in the dirt, planting flowers and cleaning up the yard. It has been almost like a totally new thing for me because last year I hurt my shoulder and I was in so much pain for months that I did very little and couldn't enjoy much. So its like enjoying with a new body...sore muscles from working are minor after a long term severe kind of pain. I guess that's kind of how life works. If we let the difficulties flow through us and change us we are better after...but I must say that when things go on for months, years, decades and gets a little hair raising!!! Like all the injustices in the world, the trafficking of children, world hunger, abuse of all kinds, illness, addictions, homelessness, lack of education and on the list wonders about God. As I get older I think that God is right there in the midst of all the varieties of suffering with each individual totally engaged with tears running down His face waiting for people in general to come to Him. He does not force Himself on us ever...that seems to be an absolute truth...we must want Him in our lives. He instead woes us through the struggles and joys of life to want Him, to want to engage with Him and learn about how much He loves us. This means that He will do absolutely anything to get our attention...and sometimes when I think He has my attention, He will show me new ways that I am ignoring Him. So it never ends...this opening up to more of God and then on the opposite side struggling to try to do it on my own. The tug and pull, the ebb and flow, the give and take...will I ever get it...probably not...because then I would probably grow independent of God.

There we have it folks torture mixed with great joy...enough to make me crazy!!! I giggle because one of the things my counselor has me working on is taking my walls down and being vulnerable with God and people...well this alone gets a little crazy...because when you change things inside yourself, things change outside of yourself because you can't help but affect those around you...just like throwing a stone in a pond and watching the ripples. The change I see the most of course is in me because I am the center of my universe, this is where you burst out laughing. Seriously it has scrambled my brains and at times I feel like I could pass out, I can hardly remember some things anymore and I feel like wearing a sign that says "NO I AM NOT DRUNK OR STONED, THANKS ANYWAYS" Who knew that having more of God would leave one on a continual high, or just a little spinny...and my mentors tell get used to this it never goes away. I am thinking its pretty wild!!