Friday, September 11, 2009

Well my silence is usually due to being overwhelmed with life. Or else I am trying to say things tactfully so as not to make the people I live with in my small town take everything wrong. You can light your world on fire quickly with a few sentences...and do I know it. But I still think its better for freedom of speech to rule. I am admitting my struggle with this due to much judgment of others I find it hard to write from my heart, but the passions in my soul tell me to speak. So we have the balance beam of truth and love to walk...I think some people in my culture think truth and love should feel good. But real love is painful and we all know truth cuts like a knife...especially the truth we don't want to hear. YOUCH!!

A little over two weeks ago we moved our oldest son to a city about 2 and a half hours from us to go to University. He took his first year by long distance and was able to save money and live at home. I liked this and it was a nice adjustment time for him and he got more scholarship money, so it was a good plan. Then from May to August he worked at a kids camp and lived there so he was kind of already moved out. So the trauma was not as great to my heart, but you really want your child to be happy, safe and loved...so as I have learned every change brings a clutching of my hands as I hope and pray it works out. And the interesting thing I have also learned is as they get older they have to take more risks and they most definitely do not always need or want you present. So off he goes into the world, calling when he needs something or when his heart's gotten broken, meanwhile I live my life....with an open hand, not making demands of phone calls or guilt about when are you coming home comments. Loving unconditionally, no matter what is my motto.

Then I had a cat up until a couple of weeks ago who was just a lovable little fellow and I fell in love with him, Chubby was his name. But unfortunately he was eaten by one of our wild coyotes, cause we live in the country and I have always let my animals roam freely because they want to and I usually let everything around me follow its heart. But I have come to realize that the pain from the loss of Chubby makes me want to not love my other pets now, I want to harden my heart and withdraw from my pets. But this is not okay for me or my other pets. So I will work at loving with my heart wide open, taking the risks and losses that come my way. Because I do not want to miss out on all that life and God have to offer...and I know I will have pain. That is guaranteed.

1 comment:

  1. pain sucks.

    I hate it.

    It IS sad that poor Chubby got eaten.

    love you.

    ReplyDelete