Sunday, March 29, 2009

Whoops...I Made the Mistake of Goin' to Church

Do they hand out "let's suppress and mask our real emotions at the door pills"...cause if they do I missed getting mine? I know they will say I need to pray more, read my Bible more, have more faith, let the Holy Spirit in more...I haven't followed the Christian formula quite closely enough. Otherwise I would be HAPPY like them. Apparently we are only supposed to read the positive, think about the positive and speak the positive and all without drugs....unbelievable! The trouble is I used to believe this mother load of crap until the last few years...when I actually went out and got personally involved in real people's lives.

It gets messy!!
Sometimes we are in jail,
sometimes we are abusing someone,
sometimes we love our abusers and just can't leave them,
sometimes we are addicts,
sometimes we lost our job,
sometimes even though we did the work there was no pay,
sometimes there is no milk for our babies,
sometimes we steal formula to feed our babies,
sometimes we become homeless because of the economy,
sometimes we can't read because we need glasses,
sometimes....

Then the thing that really gets me is GOD opened my eyes and I have not been the same since. See as long as I stick with people just like me, I don't have to get uncomfortable and have my pretty little theories challenged. I am angry at God today because thanks to Him church sucks!! Not all the time, but often. I can't stomach the pat answers, hugs, smiles and "praise the Lord's" without the flip side being truthful about the pain of real life. If I feel shame about my negative emotions and believe that they are wrong, then how the hell do I pull it together enough to get to God when I need Him most. Its feeling my pain, embracing it for what is worth and asking the God of the Universe to extend mercy to my soul...then we get somewhere deep, powerful and earthshaking. This is the God I know, the Great I Am who can handle everything even my anger at Him and His church.

4 comments:

  1. I love you Becky. And clearly I missed my pill today too :)

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  2. if these are not profound thoughts, I need a new dictionary. Keep on fighting the good fight.
    Love, Shoz

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  3. I just came here from Tara's blog...good stuff. I'm a pastor's wife like Tara, and I see a lot. And I know that being a Christian is not always pretty. And I work at a hospital, in the surgery department, where people get really bad news. Every. day. And you know what...it sucks sometimes. Some days I think that we are getting a really crappy rap here. And then I remember, this stuff is all so temporary...in light of eternity. Jesus paid for all of this, so that we can have eternal life in him...and that rocks! thanks for sharing, and keep it real!

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