Sadness

This is not a popular thought. I do not like it either. But my counselor keeps telling me to embrace the pain, face the pain, accept the pain and in that comes deep healing. Fortunately for me I have experienced that healing before with other pain. But I still try fighting the truth and running from my feelings only to make this thing called pain last longer...I am a slow learner. Especially when pain comes from many directions at once.

One of my pains comes from the loss of key people in my life, both my parents-in-laws passed away and though that sounds strange I grieve their absence, both because they are gone and the changes that has brought to our lives as their children. This change, them being gone, has come at great price and not all relationships are intact this side of the estate being settled, and that brings great grief. We lived in the same yard as my parents-in-law and inherited the home they used to live in, and much as this is a privilege. I must also work through all my feelings while I work on this house, because it is another piece of them. I grieve that they did not get to finish or enjoy the beautiful home that I am building and at times in any building project I feel anger or confusion when I have to solve building problems that were left by them. I know that God told me to finish this house and He will use it for something special but their is still sadness. I know that this house building, along with this sadness has done a very special work in my heart and for this I am extremely grateful, but the tears roll down my face at times.

I am surprised sometimes where grief comes from too. Like my children growing up which is something I have worked hard to make happen, but as they pull away and become independent I feel sad. I guess a mixture, I am proud of them and who they have become, but a part of me feels lost as my role with them changes. But once again accepting my grief and asking God to help me, I can release this beautiful emerging adults and trust them to God, no matter what happens. And I can see all the new opportunities there are for me with these changes.

Some of my sadness comes as a really good friend of mine, Tara Robertson, had to move away to Ontario with her family. I miss her. Even though we are all grown adults and can understand that moving for a job is a necessary part of life, I still grieve, and sometimes more than others. It is an adjustment to be far apart and at times I am very lonely.

Acknowledging my feeling as sadness, understanding what is making me sad and then allowing myself time to feel this feeling and spending time alone with God and my feelings eventually bring healing. And when the sadness comes again next time hopefully I will embrace the feeling.